Bye Bye Hair

*****Please note on this blog, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. What I am going to say in this is me venting and my personal feelings. I have had these feelings bottled up because my friends & family really don't understand. I just need to get out. This blog is more like I am writing in a journal.So if you dont like it or have some negative to say then don't. I need to let these feelings out before I blow. Thank you for reading and now back to your regular schedule. *******

I know that is a weird title post but that is what has happened in the last couple of weeks. Some may have now whats been happening if you have been on facebook. Also if you read my blog you may know that I have slowly losing my hair. It has been a really rough time during all of this. I have people staring at me looking like I have some disease, can't do much with my hair, the doctors not nowing what caused this. So my mom and I had been talking about getting me a wig till for the time being. The spots on my head kept getting worse especially the back of my head, I am almost bald to the very top of my head. So they finally came in last two weekends. So in the last week and a half I went to my hair dresser and we cut most of my hair off. I really thought I was going to cry but surprisely I didn't. I think I cried that weekend after seeing how short my hair is and how most of my hair is gone. The first couple of days in the wigs was hard. First it was uncomfortable and the caps for the wigs were itchy, itchy. I felt some days my head was so itchy I had lice. I am still learning how to style them and make them look really cute. Most of the time I feel like I look like a fool. Also during this time my wig has given me blisters off the top of my head and it was very painful. They have finally gone away.

During that time I was wearing a little bandana/scarf deal, I think that was worse than the wigs. People were making fun of me saying I look like a gangster, I am trying to be hood, people staring at me and looking at me like I have a disease. This past weekend I went grocery shopping and I had people laughing, pointing and whispering about me. It was so embrassing. All I wanted to do was go home and cry. My husband says I just shake it off but it is hard when your hair helps your confidence.

Sometimes I wish I had more confidence especially the girls of my wedding board. I look up to a lot of the girls because it seems like have all the confidence in the world. I mean by that they don't care how they look, don't care if other people like them or not, and they make friends so easily and with that have a great and close friends from that. It is hard to believe I used to be like that back in high school and my first year of college. When I went to Murray State I think thats when things changed for me. I lost all the confidence I ever had. I dont if it was because of the roommates I had, the sorority I joined or the other things happening during that time. I am hoping slowly with things will start to get better. Thanks for letting me just this off of my chest.

CMA Fashion Review

Last Wednesday was the CMAS and that is one of my favorite award shows. Probably I am a really big country fan. So I thought I would share who was my favorite dressed and who I just thought missed the mark. I will say this year I feel there were alot more misses, even some of my favs than they were hits.

So my favs in no order.

I loved the way Shania Twain looked. I love the little black cocktail dress. After the year she had she looked amazing.

I think that dress that Miley Cryus has on. It was just cute with a little punch of color.

Carrie Underwood looked amazing. I dont think she ever looks bad.

Nicole and Keith Urban, such a cute couple.

Miranda Lambert, though I think she could have lost those necklaces.

Jennifer Knettles

Last but not least Taylor Swift. She is another girl that I looks never looks bad. I love her style.

Now for the worst list.

Michelle Branch

Martina McBride

Reba, velvet never looks good

Reese Witherspoon, you always look great and this time I feel it was a bust.

Dance Scenes

So I have been on youtube a little bit of the weekend and was just looking for different videos. I started to stumble on different tv characters and the dances that they were famous for.

1. The Carlton dance. I loved the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and loved Carltons love with Tom Jones.


2. The Urkel. I remember Friday nights always being at my grandparents and we would watch TGIF on ABC. I loved Family Matters it used to be one of my favorite shows.


3. Now this is not from tv. These are just some great dance scenes from different movies.


4. The movie Center Stage was on this weekend and I love the last ballet that they did.



I think I may do some tributes to funny or good dances in television or movies. I dont know what do you think??

Fun video clips

So I know this has been posted on different websites and different blogs, but I lov the video of the Evolution of the Dance. It is so funny and just reminds of the dance styles through out the years.


So then I was searching one day and I saw that did that same thing as their first dance for their wedding. It was pretty cute as well. So I thought I would share I can't get enough of these two videos.

Can- What???

So I figured after seeing a new doctor I would write about whats been going on with my health. So most of you know I have been losing my hair and have been really tired. So my mom got a recommendation about this doctor who is environmentalist/allergist doctor who is really good. He is the type of doctor who looks at all of your symptoms and looks what is causing all of those symptoms. So before my appointment I had to fill out a 16 page questionaire if I was having certain pains or symptoms and if so how bad. So this past Thursday was my appointment, and it was a 4 hour appointment. After going through the normal doctor routine, weighing me, taking temp, etc I got to meet with the doctor just asking me some questions. Then he had me go in another room where he examed me some more. He tested my reflexes, felt my thyroid, made me walk in straight line, etc. So we go back to his office and goes over everything with me. It turns out I have a lot going on with my body. The first thing he says is causing my tiredness, pain, not wanting sex, my depression is that I have too much yeast in me. We all have a natural yeast in you call Candida, which is a friendly yeast. I have too many bad yeasts in my body that is harming the Candida. So they did a test for the Candida. I ended up getting stuck 25 times to see what level I need. I still have welts on my arm where they stuck me. That day was hard, I almost passed out.

Second with the doctor he thinks I am not getting enough minerals. Then we are going to deal with my thyroid and then thinks I have a food allergy as well. There was about 11 things he wants to check into but those 4 are the most important to him. So then this weekend they also had me do a magnesium test where Friday I had to collect my urine for 24 hrs. And while I was there yesterday they gave me 2 shots of magnesium ( I got in my hip and man did that 2nd shot they gave me hurt). So then yesterday after the shot I had to collect more urine. They do that to see if I hold the magnesium like a sponge or get rid of it. So now I also have to start taking magnesium tablets as well. Also yesterday I had gone in to learn how to give me shots. I am having to take weekly shots to help with the Candida. I am going to have to take shots, take medicine for the yeast plus take some good biotics plus magnesium. With all of this I am going to have change my diet, which is going to be hard since I have to limit alot of things and cant have certain things. So hopefully of this will make me start feeling better and maybe my hair can come back. I will keep you all updated as more happens.

In Remberance

So on October 5th it was the year 8 year anniversary of my grandfather's death. It was my mothers father that died. I loved my grandpa, though we weren't the closest I still have great memories of him. He and my grandma used to take us on small trips like Lake of the Ozarks, Naveu, IL, Santa Claus, IN, etc and they took us on two big trips to Disney World. My grandpa was the one who taught me to swim on the Kaskasia River. My grandfather was such a great man he would do anything for anyone at anytime. It was so hard over the years seeing him detoriate in health.

My grandpa died during my senior year of high school. The day before he passed, he gone to the hospital since he was having trouble feeling his legs and little did we now that more was going on with him. The next day he had one lung already filled up with fluid and later that morning slipped into a coma. My mom called the school to see if I wanted to go up to the hospital to say goodbye and of course I did. There was a teacher at my school did not want to come get for this phone call. I am not going to go into more detail but it was hard seeing him take his last breath but we knew that his suffering was over. We knew that he was in a better place and we would see him again. It is still hard on that day but each year it gets a little better. I love you Grandpa and I know I will see you again.

Weird night

So tonight was a bit of a weird night. I wasn't feeling good again so I stayed home and tried to go through some things. That way I could lay in bed and still get some things done. So I went out to get the mail and I see this truck just sitting in the street. I was a little weird cause the people were just sitting there and staring. Well I was home by myself and it was starting to get dark and I was a little freaked out. So I hurry up and grab the mail then hurry up to get inside. As I am heading into the house I hear a voice call out to me and say hey stranger. I turn around and it is one of my exes from back when I was younger. We will call him Mr.K.

K's parents and my parents used to go to church together and used to be good friends. My brother and K grew up together there for awhile and used to stay over at each others houses. Heck K's mom made one of my halloween customes. K was my first real kiss and the one who taught me how to kiss. We dated on and off for quite awhile. And throughout the year we had a really weird relationship and very complicated. We ended up breaking up because my parents knew at the time it was not the right relationship for me. I remember sitting at the dinner table and crying because I was so in love with him. I look back it now and realize that was not try love. Just a puppy love, a like. Throughout the years after that we would still hang out and talk and then we just stopped. I can't remember why but it just happened. Then we just started running into each every once in a blue moon. Last time I ran into was at JingleFest this past year. I found out he was getting married.

So you can imagine how weird it was to see him today. I found out that tomorrow he is getting married. We chatted for a little bit longer and he had to leave. After that it just got me wondering what would have happened if I would have married K?? His dad just to joke that when I was younger that I was his future daugther in law. Would I have been happy with him? Would have changed some of his ways with me or stayed the same?? I am happy with my husband and wouldn't change a think. But when you run into a guy who you have had so much history with it just made me wonder what might have been if we would stayed together through all those years.