Dating

I wish this post was about that I am dating someone but the opposite is true right. In the last couple of weeks I have been getting to a guy. We have been talking and getting to know each other. When we first starting to get know each other, I was so excited to see him. I even got butterflies when I would see him which I hadn't felt in a long time. I loved having a smile on my face, him always seeming to look at me and come talking to me. Well in the last week something has just changed. I still feel those butterflies and the excitement but I feel like on his end I am just someone he can just use. Lately when we have been going out to lunch I have been the one paying, when I made dinner I have to bring him the leftovers. I have given him my number twice and yet he has still not called me. I really needed him this weekend with some things going on but I don't have his number so I had no way to call him. I had no one to talk and yet I really wanted to talk to him. During the last couple of weeks, I just have really loved getting to talk to him and felt so comfortable around him. Today I saw him and I know I had a lot going on but I was so digusted to see him. I didn't want to talk to him at all. I feel like all I am to him is just someone he can use for what he wants or needs. I don't need a friend like that or don't want even a guy like that. I have been down that road with a former boyfriend and I did not enjoy it. And in the end I had my heart broken. I am not ready to have my heart broken again!! There is a song that has been sticking in my mind about how I have been to the last couple of relationships. It is by Taylor Swift and the song is "White Horse". A lot of the song is how I feel about these guys. I just want to find a guy that I am their everything!! Hopefully that will come soon. But here is the song and the lyrics.


Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late to catch me now

Life Changes

So when I moved down to Texas last August, I wasn't sure if I was going to stay down here or what was going to happen. I know part of being down here was to help me to heal after the divorce. During this time of being down here my brother has been dating a girl that works for one of the local television stations. I have always known that at some point that she would not stay in Waco and with that my brother would probably go with her. Well we are at that point where I am going to have to decide what I need to do. Do I go with them?? I love being in Texas being down here. Or do I go back home to Stl??? I love being home and sometimes just feels so right. I have all my friends back home and there is always something to do. I don't know but I do know I need to figure out soon.

Long Time

Man, I can't believe it has been so long since I have blogged. There has just been a lot going on in my life. Been busy working at my job, since March I have been working 11:30 to 8:15 pm and than having to work Saturdays as well. At least I have Sundays and Mondays off which makes it nice because I can relax and run errands and sometimes get the stuff done around the house. During this time I had been saving up all of paid time off so I could go home. I got to go home the last weekend of March which happened to be the start of racing season back at home. The week leading up to going home I kept checking the weather and praying that if there was any rain that it wouldn't mess up the fact that I was ready to go racing. I kept looking forward to going to opening night of the races. If you have read previous blogs or my old blog you know the stock car races play a big part in my life and I had missed being able to go to the races. The night before we left for St.Louis I really should have gone to bed early but for some reason could not go to sleep. We had to leave for Dallas early because our flight left at 7 am. We got into St Louis that Friday at 8:30 it was a really quick flight surprisely! Thank goodness the weather had been good and that day it was gorgeous!!! So I knew the races were on that night. So went to the races that night and got to pray during opening night. Was good to see all my racing friends, was a little weird to see my ex husband but oh well. The only bad thing about the night was that it was freezing cold! Then the rest of the weekend spent time with my family, got to see some friends and got my hair down by my favorite dresser!! After that been working and trying to figure some things out.