Heartbreak

You may be curious about this title but I am going to put it out there. As most of you know that this past year I went through a divorce. It took me a good while to get myself over the divorce and just work on myself. I had to make sure that I healed and was truly ready for the next relationship. Well after being down here in Texas for a while I felt I was ready to start putting myself out there and getting to know people. I wasn't ready to jump right in but at least be friends with the person and see if something more develops. So I am going to kinda to go into some detail about this experience I have had. Yes there is a chance that the other person involved may be reading this but at this post I don't care. While I have been working at my job I have gotten to know some new people and also made some really good friends. One of them of course was a male and over the course of this we really got to know it each other. Of course, I fell for him. He was so easy to talk and just was someone different. I really started to feel something for him when we went to Schlitterbahn. Just felt some sparks that day for some reason. Well the weekend we went to Austin, it was me, him and another friend. Well he and I drove up together and like normal were talking just having a good time. We went to the club and we all started drinking having a good time. As the night progressed I felt like he and I were being really flirty towards each other and always being kinda close with each other. After we go out, we always go to Ihop and on the car ride there and then the car ride back to the place that we were staying at he had his arms around me the whole time. When we got back to work that week he was different and was kinda a jerk towards me. We had a talk and things were cool for a day. Then some other things happened and I was just hurt. So after that I choose to ignore him, at the time it was the only thing I knew to do because I didn't know what to say or do. I ended up just emailing him putting everything out there and how I felt. I was completely honest with him. It took him almost three weeks to get back to me on what I had sent to him. During this time our friendship really suffered, which sucked. When he did get back to me he let me know that he had a lot going on with his life, which I understand and that if he hurt me he never meant to. It sucks because he did whether he realizes it or not. At this point in the game we dont really talk anymore like we used to and I am working on picking up the pieces again. I just wish I could find someone I start getting to know and possibly have that relationship with. I never wanted to have another broken heart so quick. Sometimes I wonder if I am not meant to find love again or find that special someone. It really sucks seeing all these people around me so happy and some are now starting families. I wish that could be me. But this was a lesson for me and maybe something good will come along.

Song of the Day

So my song of the day is another country song. It is by Lady Antebellum and the name of the song is Need You Know. Just something about the song kinda rings out to me. I guess this song plays into with the marriage right after he left is he ever thought about me. Then the song plays into the part of the guy I was interested in a little bit ago. So I putting the song up with the lyrics.


Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I cant fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

Its a quarter after one, Im all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldnt come, but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, cant stop looking at the door.
Wishing youd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

Its a quarter after one, Im a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldnt call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Yes Id rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
Its a quarter after one, Im all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldnt call but Im a little drunk and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now

Self Esteem

With everything that has happened to me in the past year my self esteem has been shot. The two biggest things that have caused me to lose it are the hair lost that I have had and then the divorce. Mainly the issue is that I don't feel pretty anymore. I was with someone when I was losing my hair and he saw me go through this process. Now my hair is starting to grow back and I still have some bald spots and they are covered right now. I am hoping that by next year it will be all the way filled in. Though I am not as bald as I was by the end of last year, I still don't feel very pretty. I know people say that hair is not that important but to me it is. I don't feel pretty or beautiful at all. Everytime when I go out I still feel like people are staring at me and they can see the bald areas. Most of it is in my head but it is so hard to shake. Going through such a physical change plays on your emotions and it has really played on my self esteem too. I am getting back into the dating scene and I am really worried and afraid that guys are not going to understand my health situation. Also I worried that no one is going to find me beautiful because of the missing hair. I just want a guy to be like wow you are gorgeous with how I look now. I want someone to look at me like I am the most beautiful woman in the world instead of stares like I am a freak. Maybe something will change and I will feel gorgeous no matter what. And I am trying to work on not to let this work me up and I wont have any issues. Maybe that's why I am having trouble with the dating scene is because I am not confident in myself. I just can't wait till the next man comes along and just makes me feel the most beautiful woman in the world.

Glee

Every season there always some new tv shows that are debuted. Most of them I watch the first episode and then after that I pass on because I just can't get excited about. Well this year Fox has come out with Glee. And it is is a show that I love. It is a just a great show about a high school glee club and also the challenges of high schoolers. Fox has picked out a great cast and I really love that fact that they can actually sing too in real life. And the songs that they pick out and redo are great!! I sometimes like their versions better. If you have seen the show again you should go to hulu and get yourself caught up on the show. I am telling you will be loving it by the end of the first episode. Here are some of the clips of them singing.


Bust a Move


Sweet Caroline


Golddigger


Alone

Saturday Night Live

I am a big fan of Saturday Night Live. My favorite episodes are from the 90's with people like Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Dana Carvey, Chris Farley, Rob Schneider, and David Spade and then the early 2000's with people like Molly Shannon, Will Ferrell, Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon. Those seasons had such a great cast and so many funny sketches. As the years went on the sketches were funny but there weren't as many and sometimes not altogether funny, just bits and parts. This new season has started and it has been ok with the celebrity hosts and some funny things. I was really looking forward to last nights episode. Last night was one of my favorite celebrities was not only the musical guest but she was the host as well!! I am talking about Ms. Taylor Swift. I had been reading about her hosting and how excited she was to be hosting. And let me say this, last night was one of my favorite episodes so far!! I could not stopping laughing and have it saved on my dvr to watch a couple more times. I thought I would post some of my favorite clips of the night.

First is her opening monologue. I thought it was very creative.


The next one is the one were she is doing a driving PSA.


The first sketch she did of the night was were she was on The View as Kate Gosselin.


And my last favorite of the night was the Penelope sketch.


All the sketches were great but those were my big favorites of the night. You can check out the rest out at hulu.

So

So I know I would have some blogs up by Monday but I am completely wiped again and I havent been feeling good. Hopefully I start feeling back to normal so I can post everything

Too Long

So wow I was looking and it was back in the middle of October since I have last posted. Things have been just been crazy and I having been feeling run down again. I have been taking my medicine because that always helps but I am still feeling run down. I am working on some new posts about the last couple of weeks and weekends, opening my heart back up and dealing with that feeling, the next edition of the people in my life, how I have been feeling with some other things, and then have some new posts that I am trying to work on the other blog as well that I can't post on here. So tomorrow night I should have a good amount done on here. So thats a bit in a nutshell.