Bye Bye Hair

*****Please note on this blog, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. What I am going to say in this is me venting and my personal feelings. I have had these feelings bottled up because my friends & family really don't understand. I just need to get out. This blog is more like I am writing in a journal.So if you dont like it or have some negative to say then don't. I need to let these feelings out before I blow. Thank you for reading and now back to your regular schedule. *******

I know that is a weird title post but that is what has happened in the last couple of weeks. Some may have now whats been happening if you have been on facebook. Also if you read my blog you may know that I have slowly losing my hair. It has been a really rough time during all of this. I have people staring at me looking like I have some disease, can't do much with my hair, the doctors not nowing what caused this. So my mom and I had been talking about getting me a wig till for the time being. The spots on my head kept getting worse especially the back of my head, I am almost bald to the very top of my head. So they finally came in last two weekends. So in the last week and a half I went to my hair dresser and we cut most of my hair off. I really thought I was going to cry but surprisely I didn't. I think I cried that weekend after seeing how short my hair is and how most of my hair is gone. The first couple of days in the wigs was hard. First it was uncomfortable and the caps for the wigs were itchy, itchy. I felt some days my head was so itchy I had lice. I am still learning how to style them and make them look really cute. Most of the time I feel like I look like a fool. Also during this time my wig has given me blisters off the top of my head and it was very painful. They have finally gone away.

During that time I was wearing a little bandana/scarf deal, I think that was worse than the wigs. People were making fun of me saying I look like a gangster, I am trying to be hood, people staring at me and looking at me like I have a disease. This past weekend I went grocery shopping and I had people laughing, pointing and whispering about me. It was so embrassing. All I wanted to do was go home and cry. My husband says I just shake it off but it is hard when your hair helps your confidence.

Sometimes I wish I had more confidence especially the girls of my wedding board. I look up to a lot of the girls because it seems like have all the confidence in the world. I mean by that they don't care how they look, don't care if other people like them or not, and they make friends so easily and with that have a great and close friends from that. It is hard to believe I used to be like that back in high school and my first year of college. When I went to Murray State I think thats when things changed for me. I lost all the confidence I ever had. I dont if it was because of the roommates I had, the sorority I joined or the other things happening during that time. I am hoping slowly with things will start to get better. Thanks for letting me just this off of my chest.