New blog

Hello to any of my readers out there. I don't know if I have any or not but I have come back to the blogging world. I have been wanting to start doing this but haven't had the time. Now I can get back in the swing of things. I have actually decided to make a new blog. When I started this blog, I was recently divorced and moving to a different state. Since then everything has changed and this blog I feel like it is not appropriate to blog all of that. So hopefully you will come over to my new blog to see what's going on. So here is the link to the new blog . Hope to see you all over there.

Dating

I wish this post was about that I am dating someone but the opposite is true right. In the last couple of weeks I have been getting to a guy. We have been talking and getting to know each other. When we first starting to get know each other, I was so excited to see him. I even got butterflies when I would see him which I hadn't felt in a long time. I loved having a smile on my face, him always seeming to look at me and come talking to me. Well in the last week something has just changed. I still feel those butterflies and the excitement but I feel like on his end I am just someone he can just use. Lately when we have been going out to lunch I have been the one paying, when I made dinner I have to bring him the leftovers. I have given him my number twice and yet he has still not called me. I really needed him this weekend with some things going on but I don't have his number so I had no way to call him. I had no one to talk and yet I really wanted to talk to him. During the last couple of weeks, I just have really loved getting to talk to him and felt so comfortable around him. Today I saw him and I know I had a lot going on but I was so digusted to see him. I didn't want to talk to him at all. I feel like all I am to him is just someone he can use for what he wants or needs. I don't need a friend like that or don't want even a guy like that. I have been down that road with a former boyfriend and I did not enjoy it. And in the end I had my heart broken. I am not ready to have my heart broken again!! There is a song that has been sticking in my mind about how I have been to the last couple of relationships. It is by Taylor Swift and the song is "White Horse". A lot of the song is how I feel about these guys. I just want to find a guy that I am their everything!! Hopefully that will come soon. But here is the song and the lyrics.


Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late to catch me now

Life Changes

So when I moved down to Texas last August, I wasn't sure if I was going to stay down here or what was going to happen. I know part of being down here was to help me to heal after the divorce. During this time of being down here my brother has been dating a girl that works for one of the local television stations. I have always known that at some point that she would not stay in Waco and with that my brother would probably go with her. Well we are at that point where I am going to have to decide what I need to do. Do I go with them?? I love being in Texas being down here. Or do I go back home to Stl??? I love being home and sometimes just feels so right. I have all my friends back home and there is always something to do. I don't know but I do know I need to figure out soon.

Long Time

Man, I can't believe it has been so long since I have blogged. There has just been a lot going on in my life. Been busy working at my job, since March I have been working 11:30 to 8:15 pm and than having to work Saturdays as well. At least I have Sundays and Mondays off which makes it nice because I can relax and run errands and sometimes get the stuff done around the house. During this time I had been saving up all of paid time off so I could go home. I got to go home the last weekend of March which happened to be the start of racing season back at home. The week leading up to going home I kept checking the weather and praying that if there was any rain that it wouldn't mess up the fact that I was ready to go racing. I kept looking forward to going to opening night of the races. If you have read previous blogs or my old blog you know the stock car races play a big part in my life and I had missed being able to go to the races. The night before we left for St.Louis I really should have gone to bed early but for some reason could not go to sleep. We had to leave for Dallas early because our flight left at 7 am. We got into St Louis that Friday at 8:30 it was a really quick flight surprisely! Thank goodness the weather had been good and that day it was gorgeous!!! So I knew the races were on that night. So went to the races that night and got to pray during opening night. Was good to see all my racing friends, was a little weird to see my ex husband but oh well. The only bad thing about the night was that it was freezing cold! Then the rest of the weekend spent time with my family, got to see some friends and got my hair down by my favorite dresser!! After that been working and trying to figure some things out.

More to come

Got a couple of posts out of the way tonight but worn out! There will be more to come this weekend.

Thoughts and Prayers

I always like to see whats going on with the news at home. It is always good to just see what is going on and what changes that happen. But on that same note I hate to read about the violence and crime that happens. It really is upsetting when you read about something that you happen to know the people that it effects. I don't know if any of my readers are in the Belleville, IL/St. Louis, MO area but if you have been following the news about the little 2 year that got beaten by her mother's boyfriend. The guy did it because the little girl wouldn't stop crying. I am sorry but you don't beat a child to get them to start crying, that only makes things worse. The little girl is in the hospital and in critical condition. She had to have surgery to remove some of her intestines and is connected to a feeding tube. They said that if she does survive that she may be have to have a feeding tube for the rest of her life. I know the family of the girl. Her grandparents go to my fathers church. And it just sucks that their grandchild had to go through this. If you guys could not only keep them in your prayers, also please keep this little girl in your prayers. I am posting the links for those who may not have read the stories.

From the Belleville News Democrat
From KSDK
From Stltoday

The Deer vs The "Box"

Yes I know an interesting title for a blog but probably a couple of weeks ago or so I had a very interesting night. It was a typical work day this night got off around 7 pm. Now my drive from Waco to work I do drive on a Hwy that goes through some farm/country area. When I drive home at night, I have never had any problems with any animals running out in the road or seeing animals on the side of the road. Well I was home from work, had just gotten off the phone with my brother. I had come to the part of the highway that I have slow down to 60. I start to see something in the corner of my eye. Before I could turn my head to really see what it was I see in front of my Aztec a deer!! Well it was actually a buck as I recalled later and then driving home from work one night got to really look at it. It definitely had antlers. I pull into the nearest gas station to see why kind of damage was done. During all of this I was shaking. My body was just going crazy. I get out of the car and look at what had been done. I will say this before I go to talk about the damage done to the "Box" but man, does Pontiac make a great vehicle!!! I hit that deer with force, again I was going 60 mph, and there really wasn't a ton of damage. The left side of the car took most of the it and that is where the deer came out of at first. So I look over the damage the left headlight is completely gone, the grill was completely gone, the hood was cracked and popped up. During this I got to go through the process of dealing with my insurance company, getting a rental car and then buying my first car. I am doing this all on my own. I ended up getting a 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe. I like it there are some things I miss that this car does not have like automatic lights that come on, the center console was better and then the automatic seats. I am posting pics from the damage hopefully I can soon post some pics of the new car.

Where the deer first hit.

Song of the Day

So I realized I haven't posted in over a month. I just have been busy with work. My hours haven't been bad during that time just they were constantly changing and most days I would come home from work so worn out. So my blog got ignored again but something I am trying to work on.

Today's song of the day when I first heard I really enjoyed because I enjoy this singer. Well then I heard the song and really listened to the lyrics and those lyrics kinda rang true for me. Today's song is by Michael Buble and it is his new song "Haven't Met You Yet". I am going to post the lyrics with the song so you understand why the mean to me. He talks about that he has a lot of broken hearts and trying to get yourself back in there. And trying to give up with things don't go your way but he knows that that right person will come along and that is how I feel. I thought I had my Mr. Right but I know that person will come along but I just haven't met him yet! So enjoy the song.



I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,

I tried so very hard not to lose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility,

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get~ mmm.......
I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmmm ....

I might have to wait,
I’ll never give up,
I guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it's right,
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazin',
And baby your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility, mmmmmm....

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get, mmmm....
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all’s fair
in love and war
But I won’t need to fight it,
we'll get it right an',
we'll be united

Instrumental

and I know that we can be so amazin',
And bein' in your life is gonna change me,
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmmmm

And someday I know it'll all turn out,
And I'll work to work it out,
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Oh, you know it'll all turn out,
and you'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get, yeah
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet,
Oh, promise you kid,
To give so much more than I get.

I said love love love love love love love.....
I just haven't met you yet
Love love love .....
So doy day ay ay ay, ay ay yeah
I just haven't met you yet!

Song of the Day

So I haven't done this in awhile and there have been some new songs out that I have been loving. So I hope you are ready and maybe you like some of these songs as well.


Kesha "Tic Tok"


LMFAO "I'm in Miami Trick"


Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys "Empire State of Mind"



"Meet Me Halfway" by Black Eyed Peas

2009 in review

It seems like everybody does their review of their 2009. My 2009 has been an eventful year to say the least!! It has alot of ups and some downs as well. I know people to the major points each month but there is not alot each month so I am just going to do the highlights.

The first is that in April we sold my Grandmothers house. This house has some great and very fond memories. Her house used to be the summer house, where we would go in the summers when we would go out on the lake, have BBQ's and where we would play cards. Later it turned it my grandparents real house. It was really hard to say good-bye to the house.

The next major thing is the one thing that I have dealt with a lot this past year. That thing was my divorce. After falling in love with I thought was the one the marriage just crumbled. We were together almost 3 years and only married a year. I had sick and was trying to get better and then the next thing I know he is gone. It has been very tough dealing with it all but in the end he needs to do what is best for him. I have been doing my best to work on me and get me ready for the next one. He did leave me with a lot of unanswered questions when he left.

The third major thing that happened for me was I moved to Texas. This was a major step for me. I moved down here knowing a few friends in the surrounding areas and then my brother. I came here without a job but this step was very very needed for me to help heal with the divorce. It has been hard not having my parents close since we are very close. I have found a job down here and hopefully I will get on a set schedule so I can finish going back to school. I still really want to my get my degree and do PR work for NASCAR. It has been nice living with my brother and getting to know him again. We have had our ups and downs but it has been great being down here. I am still looking for a church to get involved in and also to make some new friends.

So that has been my 2009 in a nut shell. Looking forward to my 2010 and see what it holds for me.

I'm Alive!!!

Wow I can't believe I haven't posted last year!! I have a lot to catch up with and so I know what I am going to be working on. So I am going to try and get another post done tonight.

Heartbreak

You may be curious about this title but I am going to put it out there. As most of you know that this past year I went through a divorce. It took me a good while to get myself over the divorce and just work on myself. I had to make sure that I healed and was truly ready for the next relationship. Well after being down here in Texas for a while I felt I was ready to start putting myself out there and getting to know people. I wasn't ready to jump right in but at least be friends with the person and see if something more develops. So I am going to kinda to go into some detail about this experience I have had. Yes there is a chance that the other person involved may be reading this but at this post I don't care. While I have been working at my job I have gotten to know some new people and also made some really good friends. One of them of course was a male and over the course of this we really got to know it each other. Of course, I fell for him. He was so easy to talk and just was someone different. I really started to feel something for him when we went to Schlitterbahn. Just felt some sparks that day for some reason. Well the weekend we went to Austin, it was me, him and another friend. Well he and I drove up together and like normal were talking just having a good time. We went to the club and we all started drinking having a good time. As the night progressed I felt like he and I were being really flirty towards each other and always being kinda close with each other. After we go out, we always go to Ihop and on the car ride there and then the car ride back to the place that we were staying at he had his arms around me the whole time. When we got back to work that week he was different and was kinda a jerk towards me. We had a talk and things were cool for a day. Then some other things happened and I was just hurt. So after that I choose to ignore him, at the time it was the only thing I knew to do because I didn't know what to say or do. I ended up just emailing him putting everything out there and how I felt. I was completely honest with him. It took him almost three weeks to get back to me on what I had sent to him. During this time our friendship really suffered, which sucked. When he did get back to me he let me know that he had a lot going on with his life, which I understand and that if he hurt me he never meant to. It sucks because he did whether he realizes it or not. At this point in the game we dont really talk anymore like we used to and I am working on picking up the pieces again. I just wish I could find someone I start getting to know and possibly have that relationship with. I never wanted to have another broken heart so quick. Sometimes I wonder if I am not meant to find love again or find that special someone. It really sucks seeing all these people around me so happy and some are now starting families. I wish that could be me. But this was a lesson for me and maybe something good will come along.

Song of the Day

So my song of the day is another country song. It is by Lady Antebellum and the name of the song is Need You Know. Just something about the song kinda rings out to me. I guess this song plays into with the marriage right after he left is he ever thought about me. Then the song plays into the part of the guy I was interested in a little bit ago. So I putting the song up with the lyrics.


Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I cant fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

Its a quarter after one, Im all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldnt come, but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, cant stop looking at the door.
Wishing youd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

Its a quarter after one, Im a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldnt call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Yes Id rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
Its a quarter after one, Im all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldnt call but Im a little drunk and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now

Self Esteem

With everything that has happened to me in the past year my self esteem has been shot. The two biggest things that have caused me to lose it are the hair lost that I have had and then the divorce. Mainly the issue is that I don't feel pretty anymore. I was with someone when I was losing my hair and he saw me go through this process. Now my hair is starting to grow back and I still have some bald spots and they are covered right now. I am hoping that by next year it will be all the way filled in. Though I am not as bald as I was by the end of last year, I still don't feel very pretty. I know people say that hair is not that important but to me it is. I don't feel pretty or beautiful at all. Everytime when I go out I still feel like people are staring at me and they can see the bald areas. Most of it is in my head but it is so hard to shake. Going through such a physical change plays on your emotions and it has really played on my self esteem too. I am getting back into the dating scene and I am really worried and afraid that guys are not going to understand my health situation. Also I worried that no one is going to find me beautiful because of the missing hair. I just want a guy to be like wow you are gorgeous with how I look now. I want someone to look at me like I am the most beautiful woman in the world instead of stares like I am a freak. Maybe something will change and I will feel gorgeous no matter what. And I am trying to work on not to let this work me up and I wont have any issues. Maybe that's why I am having trouble with the dating scene is because I am not confident in myself. I just can't wait till the next man comes along and just makes me feel the most beautiful woman in the world.

Glee

Every season there always some new tv shows that are debuted. Most of them I watch the first episode and then after that I pass on because I just can't get excited about. Well this year Fox has come out with Glee. And it is is a show that I love. It is a just a great show about a high school glee club and also the challenges of high schoolers. Fox has picked out a great cast and I really love that fact that they can actually sing too in real life. And the songs that they pick out and redo are great!! I sometimes like their versions better. If you have seen the show again you should go to hulu and get yourself caught up on the show. I am telling you will be loving it by the end of the first episode. Here are some of the clips of them singing.


Bust a Move


Sweet Caroline


Golddigger


Alone

Saturday Night Live

I am a big fan of Saturday Night Live. My favorite episodes are from the 90's with people like Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Dana Carvey, Chris Farley, Rob Schneider, and David Spade and then the early 2000's with people like Molly Shannon, Will Ferrell, Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon. Those seasons had such a great cast and so many funny sketches. As the years went on the sketches were funny but there weren't as many and sometimes not altogether funny, just bits and parts. This new season has started and it has been ok with the celebrity hosts and some funny things. I was really looking forward to last nights episode. Last night was one of my favorite celebrities was not only the musical guest but she was the host as well!! I am talking about Ms. Taylor Swift. I had been reading about her hosting and how excited she was to be hosting. And let me say this, last night was one of my favorite episodes so far!! I could not stopping laughing and have it saved on my dvr to watch a couple more times. I thought I would post some of my favorite clips of the night.

First is her opening monologue. I thought it was very creative.


The next one is the one were she is doing a driving PSA.


The first sketch she did of the night was were she was on The View as Kate Gosselin.


And my last favorite of the night was the Penelope sketch.


All the sketches were great but those were my big favorites of the night. You can check out the rest out at hulu.

So

So I know I would have some blogs up by Monday but I am completely wiped again and I havent been feeling good. Hopefully I start feeling back to normal so I can post everything

Too Long

So wow I was looking and it was back in the middle of October since I have last posted. Things have been just been crazy and I having been feeling run down again. I have been taking my medicine because that always helps but I am still feeling run down. I am working on some new posts about the last couple of weeks and weekends, opening my heart back up and dealing with that feeling, the next edition of the people in my life, how I have been feeling with some other things, and then have some new posts that I am trying to work on the other blog as well that I can't post on here. So tomorrow night I should have a good amount done on here. So thats a bit in a nutshell.

Back when

So here is another round of back when. With this entries I am trying not to skip years when I do pick but I may have to. I am not sure, if I get comments to skip then I may do that.

This one comes from 11-10-96. Again I am back in the 8th grade.

After our puppet show we went back to the Limpers' house. It was fun. We made cinnamon and sugar doughnuts. Then we played hide & seek in their house. Neil and I were a team. We talked alot. I like him. But I like Brandon the most. He is so cute and sweet. He treats me like a queen. He has these beautiful blue eyes so I call him Blue Diamond Eyes. He is so cute! We write each other notes. I write him the most. I will ask him to go see or do something with me like a movie, skating, etc. If we do, we will have alot of fun. I know it. We always do Journal!! Well got to go Journal. More later.

Heather.

I think it is so funny how I write these entries. But I can remember those days spending time at the Limpers. We used to have the best times at their house. And the funny thing is I remember that day. At the time I had the biggest crush on this guy and thought he was something great. I am glad to know this family and glad to have them in my life during that time.

STRESS

Yes I did capitalize that post! And there is a reason why it is capped, just have a lot and I mean lot of stress going on in my life these last couple of weeks!! First part of my stress is work. I have worked in a call center before and it was pretty easy with handling the customers. I mean you knew they were either going to call about benefits or claims. Now with this call center I am dealing with cell phones and plans. And you don't know what the next call is going to be. Sometimes they are easy calls sometimes they are hard or off the wall calls. Some days are good some days aren't. I am trying to let it roll but so hard!! Today was a bit better, I don't know if it was because we were slow or if I am getting more used to the calls and how to do the things.

Then the stress I have been dealing with is my car. Before I left for Texas I had over a $1000 dollars worth of work done to my car. Thought it would be all taken care of not having any problems at all! Well my brother had noticed that is was leaking oil but we watched it and wasn't for awhile. Then last week I did notice it really was so I took in to a local car place. Well turns out I have a cracked gasket, luckily in the front, and it was around $200 to get it fixed. Well Friday night I found when I went to move the car that it was leaking gas! Are you kidding me just what I need?? So we take it to the place again and they just thought the tube was loose. Well then it turns out the gas tank is cracked and I am going to need a new one. Plus then we get a car and the hose is bad as well. So another expensive repair. I am tried of putting money in my car to fix it and then it keeps having problems. I so wish I could afford a new car right now but I can't. So that is my next thing I am saving for. So luckily during this I have great parents and a really great brother who have been really supportive during this. My brother has been so great even though he has an emotional sister to deal with. I felt so bad always crying about it but he has been so reassuring about making sure I am taken good care of! And this is why I am glad I moved down here!

The last stress is getting back in the dating pool and dealing with the opposite sex. I mean there is nothing more to say with that but I am just hoping things can go better.

So there is my stresses for the week. I am working on trying not to let things bother me because I think that is part of the reason for my hair loss that happened last year. My hair is finally growing back slowly and I really dont want to be back in a wig again. I just want to look like before I lost it all. So I hope you all have a great week.